SIMON SMITH

Definitely looking more like an all-rounder these days in all senses of the words. Hoping to ease up the batting order from the lower reaches, and occasional opening bouts looking fruitful. A golden arm with the ball in his hand.

Born:                                                      Up North

Nickname:                                             Tango

Fave mobile phone provider:                Orange

Fave fruit:                                              Orange 

Fave colour:                                          Green

Career highlight::                                  One night last June, about 2am in Chicagos

Best performance:                                 Too many to mention. Oh all right then …

Worst performance:                               Too many to mention

Tour expectations:                                To avoid being barred from another southern town

Batting style:                                         Blatt it one

Bowling style:                                        Astonishing wicket-taking knack with seemingly innocuous length and line

Fave Film:                                             Last Tango in Paris

Fave Latin dance:                                 Tango

Cricketing heroes:                                 Shaun Pollock

Favourite Ulster marching order:           Orange

Likes:                                                    Getting sweaty, smoking, getting sweaty while smoking, Taking wickets

Dislikes:                                                Batsmen scoring slowly. That means you Mick, Nev, Basher

Fave taste sensation:                           Tangy                                     

Hobbies:                                              Pulling middle aged ladies

Often mistaken for:                               Max Branning off Eastenders

Superstitions:                                       Bowl utter twaddle in order to take wickets. Run out Dommy whenever I can

Hairstyle:                                              None

Body shape:                                         Round, like an orange

Fielding position:                                 Mid off / Mid on only (plus fine leg)

Shots in locker:                                    Two – the midwicket heave and the slash over the covers

Opinions on cricket:                             All-rounders should get more recognition. I’m definitely worth more than £2m