NICK BELL
Opening bowler off about six paces, with pretentions of being an all-rounder if he ever can concentrate long enough to stay in. Palpably the worst wicket-keeper available for tour matches.

Nickname: Dingers
Nickname he hates: Bell-End
Career highlight: Any time any of the bloody slips ever stop the ball, let alone catch it off my bowling
Best performance: 5 for 8 against Milton Keynes Village – they were top quality
Worst performance: Several nun-fers when batsmen not good enough to edge it and slips not good enough to catch it
Tour expectations: To watch Tango get obliterated
Batting style: Classically correct until he goes for some big yahoo
Bowling style: Six gentle paces then bam. Too quick most of the time
Chances of being sober on tour: None
Fave film: For Whom The Bell Tolls
Education: Wootton bike sheds
Occupation: Sparks
Likes: Getting more wickets than Russell each season
Dislikes: Tango being ahead of me in either run-scoring or wicket-taking stakes
Fave music: Anything except Dommy & Keith’s lot
Often mistaken for: Jason Gillespie without the beard
Superstitions: Pound the turf in frustration after every dropped catch or edge
Body shape: Thin as a rake
Superhero persona: Skeletor
Fielding position: Anywhere in front of the wicket. Fielding in the slips is no challenge. Cannot keep wicket
Shots in locker: Most of them, but can’t resist hitting it in the air for fun
Injuries: Bizarre strained neck muscle last season