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NICK BELL

Opening bowler off about six paces, with pretentions of being an all-rounder if he ever can concentrate long enough to stay in. Palpably the worst wicket-keeper available for tour matches.  

 

Nickname:                                 Dingers

Nickname he hates:                   Bell-End

Career highlight:                       Any time any of the bloody slips ever stop the ball, let alone catch it off my bowling

Best performance:                     5 for 8 against Milton Keynes Village – they were top quality

Worst performance:                   Several nun-fers when batsmen not good enough to edge it and slips not good enough to catch it

Tour expectations:                    To watch Tango get obliterated

Batting style:                             Classically correct until he goes for some big yahoo

Bowling style:                            Six gentle paces then bam. Too quick most of the time

Chances of being sober on tour:    None                

Fave film:                                  For Whom The Bell Tolls

Education:                                Wootton bike sheds                 

Occupation:                              Sparks

Likes:                                        Getting more wickets than Russell each season

Dislikes:                                    Tango being ahead of me in either run-scoring or wicket-taking stakes

Fave music:                              Anything except Dommy & Keith’s lot

Often mistaken for:                   Jason Gillespie without the beard

Superstitions:                            Pound the turf in frustration after every dropped catch or edge

Body shape:                             Thin as a rake

Superhero persona:                  Skeletor

Fielding position:                     Anywhere in front of the wicket. Fielding in the slips is no challenge. Cannot keep wicket

Shots in locker:                         Most of them, but can’t resist hitting it in the air for fun

Injuries:                                    Bizarre strained neck muscle last season