Quint

Bravely opened up the innings but foolishly turned down a crafty single off the first ball of the match. Paid for this soon after by having his middle stump knocked back second ball for a duck, which made him joint seventh top scorer in the innings. We suspect no balls came to him at all whilst we were fielding although he contributed mightily with an extended amount of ball polishing.

Basher

Bravely saw off their quickie opener but then gave all his hard work away with a wipe outside off stump and was caught in the gully off the donkey at the other end. His five runs however did make him fourth top scorer. Kept soundly with no fuss but no catches came his way. Ate for three at tea as usual.

Chairman

Shocked to be out there facing the third ball of the season but enjoyed the pace more than the liquorice allsorts at the other end, which eventually did for him when on one stopped and spooned a catch to midwicket. His three runs made him joint fifth top scorer. Looked the other way when Gino was ‘one short’ off a Dinger stroke. Nothing that mattered came to him in the field.

Yam Yam

Having watched the preceding batsman get out playing early he prods at a wide first ball and balloons it up to cover who couldn’t believe his luck, the ball stopping again. Golden Duck. Which still made him joint seventh top scorer, but did mean he faced the fewest balls. Made up for this in the field with two safe catches which got him back to even in fantasy points, both of which required him to move at least two yards, at 2mph.

Scotty E

Solid as a rock in the middle order once again. Couldn’t resist a few quiet words about the failings of the ‘top order’, who all happened to be listening at the time. The glue in the middle of the innings with 24 runs which comfortably made him second top scorer. Smote one good leg side boundary and picked the gaps with a series of sensible ones and twos. His partnership for the fifth wicket with Dingers was also more than their entire innings. Little to do in the field at trademark square leg position, apart from an athletic one-handed swoop for a catch.

Dingers

Lost the toss which we thought was crucial at the time, but may have worked in our favour. Even his mistakes work out well. Played the decisive innings of the rmatch getting us up over the 100 mark, making 53, top scorer. Was dropped three times however which may have been a key part of the match. Smashed one lovely straight six, and fell to a catch from the only man in their team who seemed capable of utilising hand-eye co-ordination in the covers. Opened the bowling and although he beat the bat a bit, was statistically the worst bowler on show, going wicketless.

Gino

Promoted to number 7 in the order with the prospect of delivering some serious damage on their left arm spinner. Disappointingly didn’t “go for it” and after a few prods ended up caught at slip. Initial confusion surrounded whether it had carried which the Mick thought it did. Then whether he hit it. The umpire thought it came off the glove. After initially denying this for a moment, Gino later acknowledged it was the first one he had hit all day. Has become the most dangerous cover point in the league. After ‘hustling’ the oppo with a superb dive over the ball which went for four, then took a Collingwood special diving high to his left to take a one-handed spectacular catch in the middle of Martin’s hat-trick. Cue amazing celebrations that would only be bettered the ball afterwards. So good was the catch that when he took a good one on the move to clinch the match nobody was at all surprised.

Junior Jones

The day started badly for Martin as he was given out lbw for one that hit him on the thigh and was still going north. But a duck it was, making him joint seventh top scorer. Dingers opted for Junior Jones to open the bowling and it paid of as he became the youngest Thrupp player to get a hat-trick. We scratched our heads for a while for the last person to do it, apparently it was Tango who is a bit older than 14. The first of the three came courtesy of one that bounced a bit and took the glove, the second courtesy of Jonty Ginnelly but the last was a beaut which knocked over the off stump. Cue massive celebrations and multiple high fives. Martin was so hyper we had to take him off. Ended up with 3-16 which was only the third best bowling figures.

Taters

Handy to have this amount of experience down the order for a batting collapse, just as we had today. Swatted a few runs through the legside off their spinner, before another victim for just three runs, although this made him joint fifth top scorer. Little to do in the gully although he did stop everything that came his way.

Rusty Jones

Down at ten the senior Jones showed his mettle when we needed some late runs smashing ten to be third top scorer. Some decent blows were then followed by a wipe that went straight up in the air and into the hands of midwicket. Came on first change and bowled straight having not even had choice of ends. Mopped up the tail in fine style with 3-9 which made him second best bowler on show, applying the coup de grace taking the last 2 wickets.

Mystery Man

Took the demotion of not scoring well as Mrs. Jones took the book. Declined an umpiring stint too as he is so out of practice. Defended stoutly to help us go over the 100 mark with the bat, the invincibility of the number 11 batting position in this team now famous throughout the league. Once more showed a brilliant knowledge of where his off stump was with 0 not out, still technically the seventh best score. Showed Dingers how it should be done with a devastating spell of 4 wickets for 5 runs (or 5 for 4 if you read the League’s figures) with his wobblers, ripping out the middle order easily.

Devastating Demon of the Doosra Currell

Not present today so contributed even more than the week before, sweating over some Ofsted Report or something similar we believe (it was a Saturday, why was he in school?) The re-introduction of Mitesh into the side showed how a real number 11 should play the game.