JON HILL

Little Jonny Hill looks diminutive but is a feisty fellow, prone to being head butted by the opposition. Left-arm seamer prone to the odd no-ball.

Nickname:                                                Noballs

Career highlight:                                      Getting headbutted and then getting banned for the pleasure

Best performance:                                    Any time I haven’t bowled a no ball

Worst performance:                                   12-ball overs

Tour expectations:                                   Drunkeness

Batting style:                                           Gives it a resounding thump

Bowling style:                                         Left-arm wobblers

Fave TV:                                                 Benny Hill

Fave old age expression:                        Over the Hill

Fave skiing:                                             Downhill

Cricketing heroes:                                   Any left-arm bowler

Education:                                               Not completed

Occupation:                                             None

Likes:                                                       Causing trouble, and stirring up confrontation on the field. Echoing Bokker’s dissent

Dislikes:                                                   Being picked on by giants

Often mistaken for:                                  A punchbag

Advice:                                                    Dress up smartly for those disciplinary hearings, boys

Hairstyle:                                                 Heavily gelled mess                                            

Body shape:                                            Thin

Fielding position:                                    Square leg position a speciality. Anywhere near umpires and controversy

Shots in locker:                                       Leg side cart, straight heave

Injuries:                                                  Slight bruise on forehead

Fave other sport:                                    Used to do long jump, but kept doing no jumps                                      

Opinions on cricket:                               There should be more aggro on the cricket field

Fines committee vulnerability:               Extremely high